Is this called having a fetish?

Dear Joel,

In a few hours I'll be on a flight to Connecticut to have an on-site meeting with one of my customers. It's my fourth trip to the same location in the last 12 months. I like traveling, but I've discovered that I don't love it when it's for work. Having said that, I think I'd enjoy traveling for work a little more if I got to visit a different customer now and then.

But enough complaining. You asked for interests of mine that I've picked up since college. I've been racking my brain for a few days now on that question, and I really can't think of much. I still play euchre when I can. I love playing slow pitch softball. I love watching baseball. I think I watch more documentaries now than I did then, but that's largely due to the existence of Netflix.

I still watch The West Wing, though. Because some things never change.

Speaking of TWW, let me ask you a question about that show. In the fourth season there's an episode called Arctic Radar and in it, Josh Lyman explains to a new employee why she can't wear her Star Trek button around the office, even though, as she explains, it symbolizes duty and honor and loyalty and those characteristics should be celebrated at the White House. 

Josh says, "I'm a Star Trek fan. All of them. But here's what I don't do, and tell me if any of this sounds familiar: 'Let's list our ten favorite episodes. Let's list our least favorite episodes. Let's list our favorite galaxies. Let's make a chart to see how often our favorite galaxies appear in our favorite episodes. What Romulan would you most like to see coupled with a Cardassian and why? Let's spend a weekend talking about Romulans falling in love with Cardassians and then let's do it again.' That's not being a fan. That's having a fetish. And I don't have a problem with that, except you can't bring your hobbies in to work, okay?"

I happen to know that there are a lot of people who treat TWW exactly like the "fetish" Josh describes there. I know that because I'm borderline one of them. Do you think the show's writer, Aaron Sorkin, knew that about his own show when he wrote it? And if so, do you think he was trying to send a message to superfans that they shouldn't dwell on it too much? And if so, am I ignoring that message right now?

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Four Eyes

Dear Jake,

I have to start by saying that your response to my question from my previous post leaves me wondering if you understood the tongue-in-cheek nature with which I was asking.  I was not-so-subtly hinting that I think it would be wonderful if you, your wife, and my niece moved over my way.  Though it's in all ways selfish I do think that there are good reasons for you to consider it.

I also want you to know that while I wouldn't say that there is a single correct way to educate a child I do think that there are superior ways.  Your cynicism for public school is not unfounded.  I too know many godly men and women from a wide variety of education backgrounds and would agree that parental involvement and education at home is easily the most important part of the process.  After all, I was raised in a public school and while I don't consider myself "godly" I do consider myself a Christian who is very much in love with my Savior Jesus Christ.  Here's the thing though.  2015 looks A LOT different than 1988 did within the public sector. 

I remember Mrs. Bradfield kept a cord of three strands complete with matching proverb hanging on her wall.  I remember her talking about why it was there and unabashedly declaring her devotion to Jesus in the classroom.  It was a different time.  None of that is okay now.

But the education can be good and that's why they're there.  I can teach them who God is.  I certainly wouldn't leave it up to a school teacher anyway.

Maybe.  Maybe.  Remember though, I've worked with Jr. and Sr. high school students now for 10 years and I have learned a lot about education and let me tell you this.  We have turned our schools into a place where mediocrity is celebrated while success and extraordinary are pinned down and held back.

But that's not why public school is the last resort for me.  Honestly, there are many private schools that are just expensive places to do the same thing.

My biggest concern is something called world view.  I think that we all are born into this world with distorted vision.  It's imperfect.  Everything we learn becomes something that we see.  We even talk like that right?  You hear someone say, "...well the way I see it..."  They say that because they "see" truth but that truth is distorted or imperfect.  This is where I think Christian education isn't just a good option for Christians.  I actually put more weight on it than that.  I believe that Christians, if they have any choice at all, SHOULD choose Christian education. This is because I think our job is to help our covenant children put on the glasses of the Gospel so that they can correct that distored vision.  All things, all truth, should be viewed through The Word or...you know...Jesus.  The best philosophy (christian or otherwise), the best science, the best history, the best literature (christian or otherwise), the best music, art, etc... should be seen through the lens of the Gospel. I think that a private Christian school does that better than public schools (basically because public schools don't do it at all) and I DO think that it is so important that it's okay to tell other Christians that it's something they should do if they have any choice at all.  Scripture speaks a lot to this, but I think it's summed up pretty much when Jesus claims that he is the truth and, simply put, if that's true, then the truth isn't taught at public schools.  At least not anymore.

Notice I haven't mentioned homeschooling.  That's because I think that homeschooling is a great option for Christian education.

Notice that I didn't mention Classical Christian education.  That's because it's not about the classical part.  I do love it and I'd love to share why and perhaps I will someday, but not today.

Can Christians still go to public schools and come out on the other side as Christians?  Absolutely!

Can Christians still go to Christian school and come out on the other side and walk away from their faith?  Absolutely! 

As mentioned before I've been a part of students' lives for a long time.  I have had students from both public school and Christian school.  100% of the time the one from the Christian school had a deeper understanding of who Jesus is, what He said, and how science, math, history, art, music, etc... fit into who He is than those who went to one of the best public schools in the state.  This doesn't make them any MORE Christian, but it does give them a head start as they continue to go deeper in their faith.  Actually, there are certain families that are incredibly serious about their faith, incredibly faithful to the church, they pray together, read scripture together, and you know that their children have been raised to know Jesus well.  I can't tell you how often in our discussions the Christian school kid and the public school kid come to the same conclusion about issues.  Only one of them, however, can usually tell you "why" they came to that conclusion.  I want my kids to know the why.

You have some time, and you're brilliant.  You always have been.  You will choose the right education for your child and if you choose public school, I will just assume that you know better than me, because you probably do.  Even though it's a ways out for you (blink and it'll be here) I want to strongly encourage you to look at Christian education.

To answer your question about a game night, card night, or other night that I hang out with guys, my answer would be yes...I think I do.  Pretty much every Wednesday night I get together with 3 other guys and we share our lives together and when the church clears out, go plug in guitars and drums and see how loud we can get before we get a headache in our old age.  A regular card night consisting of euchre, drinks (Diet Pepsi of course...since mom will probably read this), and tortilla chips with bean dip has always been on my radar and perhaps, if one of my brothers would move this way, it would come to fruition.

Here is a question for you, what is a new hobby or interest that you have picked up after college that I might be interested in but don't know it yet?

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I'm Edumacated

Dear Joel,

There's an episode of The West Wing in which Sam Seaborn says, "Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense."

I like Sam, so I want to forget for a moment that he's kind of a moron in this case. I also want to forget that he somehow thinks national defense is "free" to American citizens. As though the almighty government just has money that has graciously rained down upon it by the benevolent God (who, by the way, you're not allowed to talk about at those schools Sam loves so much) of Liberalism. I want to briefly turn off my BS meter, which flashes brightly and boldly every time someone in politics talks about Americans receiving something for free (and though you may think BS stands for bull sh*t, it could, in this case, just as easily stand for Bernie Sanders).

So, forgetting all of that, let's talk about education, because you asked me when I'm going to move to a part of the state that has a classical Christian school.

I have to start by saying I don't think there is a single "correct" way for Christians to educate their children. There are public schools, private schools, private Christian schools, classical Christian schools, homeschooling, and probably other options I don't even know about. Every community is different. Every school is different. Every kid is different. I have no interest in telling anyone that the "only way" to raise up a Godly child is to enroll them in a certain kind of school. I believe that, primarily, because I know Godly men and women from a wide sampling of educational backgrounds. To me, it's much more important to raise your child in a Godly household than it is to bicker about the right kind of school.

I should also say that my only kid is still four months away from being born, so I have no expertise or experience with raising kids, and I also have several years before my wife and I need to make educational decisions.

I said early on that I wanted to talk about education, but my disclaimers have filled up so much space that I feel like I can only summarize my thoughts now with a few sentences. So here they are:

I'm very interested in classical Christian education, and with my limited research and understanding of the options, that might be the one I would vote for if I had to choose today. Unfortunately, as you pointed out, we don't have one here in Ames, and I don't know if I'd be able to move somewhere else with that as the primary reason. I also really like the idea of homeschooling, except I'd be jealous if Elizabeth was the one who got to teach our kids. The only alternative, though, would be for me to quit my job so I could homeschool our kids, and Elizabeth would have to bring in all our family's income. My current preferences for Christian or homeschool education primarily come from the cynicism I have about government-run schools. As I said above, I don't think it's a make-or-break issue. I probably have (or will have) nieces and/or nephews who attend public schools, and I fully support my siblings' discernment in how they choose to educate. If my kid was turning 6 this year, though, and I had to make a decision about her education, I still wouldn't answer hypotheticals.

And you thought you were gonna get an answer out of me.

Do you have a standing poker night with friends every month or every quarter? Do you have a card club? Other than your connection group (or whatever your church calls them), do you have any regularly occurring hang-out nights with friends?

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I'm Back

Dear Jake,

I know I've been absent from here for awhile.  I'm back and I'm better than ever.  Okay, probably not better than ever.

I'm so thrilled that you are having a baby girl.  Actually, I'm thrilled that you are are having a baby.  The fact that it is a girl is exciting in its own right though.  It's true I have experience with both boys and girls.  One thing I've learned is that every single kid is different and while girls are most definitely different than boys I wouldn't dare try to tell you what to expect as far as personality.  You didn't ask that though, you just asked for my experience so here goes.

Kid #1 - Boy - Named Gabriel

As a baby Gabriel was pretty chill.  He had a fussy time in the evening about an hour before we'd put him down for bed.  He could play independently for hours at a time.  He would sort things and put things in order even before he could ever talk.  He would sit and listen to you read books for as long as you would.  He would listen to Chronicles of Narnia and Little House on the Prairie as well as he'd listen to "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".  He always wanted to take things apart and put things back together.

All of this makes it sound like he was some brilliant genius.  I just think his personality has always been one of problem solving and sort of "engineer" like.  He's a smart kid, but he's not any prodigy.  He is going to be a learner for life though...I think.

Kid #2 - Boy - Named Micah

As a baby Micah was really laid back.  Honestly the kid would just sit and suck his thumb and watch out the window.  Looking back I think he was creating a plan on how to best scare the shiznit out of his parents.  His thumb acted as a plug.  We were really worried that he'd suck it forever.  Pam told him he needed to stop sucking his thumb.  He did.  In an act of the most incredible self discipline in any human of any time ever he stopped sucking his thumb right then and there.  He never ever did it again.  As the thumb was removed from his mouth the talking began.  Micah has no regard for danger and is nearly impossible to punish.  He is borderline indestructible.  He has a very soft heart that will climb the tallest most dangerous mountain, swim the deepest sea, and fight the entire mafia if it means saving a kitten or ground squirrel or mouse or bat or any other tiny creature that is deemed cute.  He is also an eternal optimist.

Kid #3 - Girl - Named Zaley

As a baby Zaley was easy.  She wanted to be held and she wanted to watch what was going on.  Like the others she loved being read to.  She had (has) a very "sunny" disposition.  Almost always upbeat.  Zaley was a climber.  She always ran to the middle of the action.  If I was wrestling the boys, she was wrestling as well.  Nothing was going to keep her out of the fun.  Baby Zaley has been a bit of a whirlwind.  When we added a third child to the mix things began to get foggy.  For us, I think this was the biggest adjustment.  Zaley was always smiling and grinning and laughing and that is a good thing because it could have been way harder than it was.

Kid #4 - Girl - Named Eva

Maybe the devil.  Here are two reasons I believe this to be true.

1. The kids were playing in the play room downstairs.  Pam was in the kitchen and I was in the living room.  The doors to all rooms are supposed to remain shut.  One of the boys had left their door open.  Suddenly we hear a slight thump and a loud grunty scream and a cry that had hints of fear and determination mixed in (yes you will learn all the subtle differences in cries.  They are real and they are important).  Pam and I both dropped what we were doing and ran into the boys room.  As we fly into their room we see Eva hanging by her hands from the top rung of the ladder that goes up to Gabriel's bed.  She had decided to climb it, it slipped a little, she slipped off but caught herself.  Fighting off heart attacks we grabbed her.  She has the strength of an ox.

2. Tonight at bed time she decided she didn't want to sleep.  We've done some sleep training with her and she's been going to bed pretty well.  We have a routine where we rock with her, read to her, then sing some hymns to her.  Then we lay her in her crib still awake and just leave her in there.  At first she'd cry a minute or two and then go to sleep.  Now just generally just goes to sleep.  Not tonight.  Nope, she screamed angrily.  We did the sleep training thing where you wait 5 minutes then go pick her up, quiet her, then lay her back down and leave.  She screamed.  We waited 10 minutes.  She screamed.  Suddenly we hear a thud and the loudest most angry scream you've ever heard.  Hearts in our throats we run into the room to find her on her floor having hurdled the side of her crib.  Turns out she won.  Now she's trying to eat baby carrots that are next to my computer.

She is Gabriel's curiosity x10.  She is Micah's disregard for life threatening danger x10.  She is Zaley's sweet loving personality x10.  There is nothing subtle about Eva.  She is one thing that none of the rest of them were though.  She's a little shy.  She does not like crowded rooms full of people.

I definitely feel different about my girls than my boys.  I could drop stereotypes but I don't know if they are true necessarily.  Zaley is for sure more interested in accessories and hand bags and all things feminine.  I don't particularly try to bring out that part of her, but I encourage her to be feminine.  I would think it was at least somewhat natural that she would love ponies and having her nails painted.  I think it's dangerous to jump to too many stereo types right away too.  Zaley and Eva both are every bit as rough as the boys sometimes.  The boys seem to be more naturally inclined to pursue physical means by which to accomplish things.  The girls are willing to go there though.  We try and will continue to try to teach our boys what it means to be men of God and our girls what it means to be women of God.  We won't shy away from that.  I believe it's part of our job as parents.  I think sometimes our culture, both Christian and secular, have done a fine job of screwing up God's definition of male and female.

I do think it's important that I raise my girls to appreciate their femininity.  My desire for my girls is that they would place their identity firmly in Christ and that they would be confident in that.  I want them to know my love so strongly that they have no desire to pursue it from other men.  I want Godly men to seek them out and for them to know what that man looks like, then to love him well.   I want them to know their beauty comes from being one of God's beloved.  I want them to also know that their dad thinks that they are absolutely beautiful.

I have no idea what your girl will be like.  She WILL be amazing though.  You don't have to worry about that.

So when are you going to decide that having at least one set of grandparents close by and a classical Christian school nearby are important enough that you would move so that those things could be true in your life?  Just wondering.

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A Little Girl

This post is a day late because I wanted to write about my daughter and I hadn't told mom and dad yet that I have one.

The other day, as you know, Elizabeth and I found out that the baby she's due to deliver at Christmas time is a girl. I've been a little terrified ever since. I don't have a lot of experience with raising girls. I've never actually raised boys either, but I've been around it a lot more.

Fortunately for me, I've got a brother who has experience with both. So teach me a little bit. How have your girls been different from your boys? What things do you worry about with your girls that you don't have to worry about with your boys? What's better about your girls than your boys? And let's see if you can answer any of these questions while realizing that someday both your boys and girls might read your answers!

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The Fundamentals

Dear Joel,

I play on a city rec league softball team with some co-workers, and it's a lot of fun. Our last regular season games are this evening, so softball is on my mind.

I said that it's fun to play on this team, and it is. However, it's also extremely frustrating to me.

You and I grew up with a great baseball coach, who happened to be our father. He coached fundamentals almost exclusively. I don't remember working too much in baseball practice on anything other than fundamentals. We worked on base running and bunting on offense. We worked on backing each other up, communicating effectively, hitting the cut-off man, and situations on defense. We worked on keeping our butts down and making sure -- above all else -- that we kept the ball in front of us on defense. We both played on pretty good ball teams all the way through high school, and I'm sure we both agree that it was largely due to having been coached on nothing but fundamentals for the first 14 years of our lives.

It's taken me a long time to realize that most people who play adult rec league softball had no such upbringing.

We have some incredibly athletic people on our team, but they repeatedly do things on the field that I just can't understand. Our outfielders rarely throw the ball to the cut-off man. Half the time they don't even throw it in right away. They stand there with the ball waiting to see which base the runner is going to try for. Almost all of them regularly use the "do-or-die" method of fielding grounders in the outfield. This is the method where they'll try to scoop it off to the side in order to be in a good throwing position, so they can field it and throw someone out in one smooth motion. But 90% of the time they don't cleanly field the ball because of this method. And when an outfielder lets a ground ball get by him, a single or a double turns into a home run quite easily.

Our brother, Jase, who didn't play nearly as much baseball growing up as you and I did, plays on our team too. It's fascinating to me to watch him play, because even though he lacks the experience (and the athleticism of many of the guys on our team), he's every bit as valuable. Just having been around the game a lot growing up, and being a very smart guy in general, has produced in him the appropriate instincts and head knowledge. He makes plays that the super athletic guys on our team who played college football don't make -- because he uses his head.

To you and me, backing someone up, or hitting a cut-off man, or dropping your butt and staying in front of a grounder is all second nature. It's instinct. For most (it turns out), it's really not. As someone who struggles to be patient with others even in the best of situations, playing softball each week has become quite the test.

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