I'm Back

Dear Jake,

I know I've been absent from here for awhile.  I'm back and I'm better than ever.  Okay, probably not better than ever.

I'm so thrilled that you are having a baby girl.  Actually, I'm thrilled that you are are having a baby.  The fact that it is a girl is exciting in its own right though.  It's true I have experience with both boys and girls.  One thing I've learned is that every single kid is different and while girls are most definitely different than boys I wouldn't dare try to tell you what to expect as far as personality.  You didn't ask that though, you just asked for my experience so here goes.

Kid #1 - Boy - Named Gabriel

As a baby Gabriel was pretty chill.  He had a fussy time in the evening about an hour before we'd put him down for bed.  He could play independently for hours at a time.  He would sort things and put things in order even before he could ever talk.  He would sit and listen to you read books for as long as you would.  He would listen to Chronicles of Narnia and Little House on the Prairie as well as he'd listen to "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".  He always wanted to take things apart and put things back together.

All of this makes it sound like he was some brilliant genius.  I just think his personality has always been one of problem solving and sort of "engineer" like.  He's a smart kid, but he's not any prodigy.  He is going to be a learner for life though...I think.

Kid #2 - Boy - Named Micah

As a baby Micah was really laid back.  Honestly the kid would just sit and suck his thumb and watch out the window.  Looking back I think he was creating a plan on how to best scare the shiznit out of his parents.  His thumb acted as a plug.  We were really worried that he'd suck it forever.  Pam told him he needed to stop sucking his thumb.  He did.  In an act of the most incredible self discipline in any human of any time ever he stopped sucking his thumb right then and there.  He never ever did it again.  As the thumb was removed from his mouth the talking began.  Micah has no regard for danger and is nearly impossible to punish.  He is borderline indestructible.  He has a very soft heart that will climb the tallest most dangerous mountain, swim the deepest sea, and fight the entire mafia if it means saving a kitten or ground squirrel or mouse or bat or any other tiny creature that is deemed cute.  He is also an eternal optimist.

Kid #3 - Girl - Named Zaley

As a baby Zaley was easy.  She wanted to be held and she wanted to watch what was going on.  Like the others she loved being read to.  She had (has) a very "sunny" disposition.  Almost always upbeat.  Zaley was a climber.  She always ran to the middle of the action.  If I was wrestling the boys, she was wrestling as well.  Nothing was going to keep her out of the fun.  Baby Zaley has been a bit of a whirlwind.  When we added a third child to the mix things began to get foggy.  For us, I think this was the biggest adjustment.  Zaley was always smiling and grinning and laughing and that is a good thing because it could have been way harder than it was.

Kid #4 - Girl - Named Eva

Maybe the devil.  Here are two reasons I believe this to be true.

1. The kids were playing in the play room downstairs.  Pam was in the kitchen and I was in the living room.  The doors to all rooms are supposed to remain shut.  One of the boys had left their door open.  Suddenly we hear a slight thump and a loud grunty scream and a cry that had hints of fear and determination mixed in (yes you will learn all the subtle differences in cries.  They are real and they are important).  Pam and I both dropped what we were doing and ran into the boys room.  As we fly into their room we see Eva hanging by her hands from the top rung of the ladder that goes up to Gabriel's bed.  She had decided to climb it, it slipped a little, she slipped off but caught herself.  Fighting off heart attacks we grabbed her.  She has the strength of an ox.

2. Tonight at bed time she decided she didn't want to sleep.  We've done some sleep training with her and she's been going to bed pretty well.  We have a routine where we rock with her, read to her, then sing some hymns to her.  Then we lay her in her crib still awake and just leave her in there.  At first she'd cry a minute or two and then go to sleep.  Now just generally just goes to sleep.  Not tonight.  Nope, she screamed angrily.  We did the sleep training thing where you wait 5 minutes then go pick her up, quiet her, then lay her back down and leave.  She screamed.  We waited 10 minutes.  She screamed.  Suddenly we hear a thud and the loudest most angry scream you've ever heard.  Hearts in our throats we run into the room to find her on her floor having hurdled the side of her crib.  Turns out she won.  Now she's trying to eat baby carrots that are next to my computer.

She is Gabriel's curiosity x10.  She is Micah's disregard for life threatening danger x10.  She is Zaley's sweet loving personality x10.  There is nothing subtle about Eva.  She is one thing that none of the rest of them were though.  She's a little shy.  She does not like crowded rooms full of people.

I definitely feel different about my girls than my boys.  I could drop stereotypes but I don't know if they are true necessarily.  Zaley is for sure more interested in accessories and hand bags and all things feminine.  I don't particularly try to bring out that part of her, but I encourage her to be feminine.  I would think it was at least somewhat natural that she would love ponies and having her nails painted.  I think it's dangerous to jump to too many stereo types right away too.  Zaley and Eva both are every bit as rough as the boys sometimes.  The boys seem to be more naturally inclined to pursue physical means by which to accomplish things.  The girls are willing to go there though.  We try and will continue to try to teach our boys what it means to be men of God and our girls what it means to be women of God.  We won't shy away from that.  I believe it's part of our job as parents.  I think sometimes our culture, both Christian and secular, have done a fine job of screwing up God's definition of male and female.

I do think it's important that I raise my girls to appreciate their femininity.  My desire for my girls is that they would place their identity firmly in Christ and that they would be confident in that.  I want them to know my love so strongly that they have no desire to pursue it from other men.  I want Godly men to seek them out and for them to know what that man looks like, then to love him well.   I want them to know their beauty comes from being one of God's beloved.  I want them to also know that their dad thinks that they are absolutely beautiful.

I have no idea what your girl will be like.  She WILL be amazing though.  You don't have to worry about that.

So when are you going to decide that having at least one set of grandparents close by and a classical Christian school nearby are important enough that you would move so that those things could be true in your life?  Just wondering.