Coming Soon

Dear Jake,

     It's the best of times, it's the worst of times, it's being a dad time.  There is nothing on the earth as difficult and nothing as rewarding as parenthood.  It is a blessing and a curse.  It is hot and cold, up and down, left and right, perfect and imperfect, light and dark.  It sucks and it's awesome.  Welcome to the club.

     You asked for warnings. It would be impossible to create an exhaustive list but I'll give you some warnings.

• Morning sickness is poorly named.  It can just as easily be noon sickness or night sickness.
• Your wife may start running into walls.
• You may end up running to odd stores at add times of night to find odd foods for odd cravings.
• Your wife will tell you she's tired.  This isn't laziness or a plea for attention.  She's actually tired.  While the fatigue will last throughout parenting, it is especially extreme during pregnancy and the first year post part um.
• You can't really help much.  You will try.  You will fail.  Just love her and serve her.  That's the only way you can save face.
• You are done sleeping for awhile as well.  Even if your child sleeps through the night upon arriving home from the hospital, you won't sleep like you are used to for a looooooooooooong time.  I haven't for 7.5 years. 
• You will be embarrassed a lot.  Kids have a sixth sense about knowing when to say inappropriate things at inappropriate times.  It's like they can't help it.
• You will experience all types of bodily fluid.  Get used to it.
• You will find out you know nothing about parenting.  After awhile you will start to think you have things somewhat managed and maybe even a little figured out.  When you get to this point, you may think you want another child.  If you have one, you will find out you know nothing about parenting.  When you get to the point you think things are somewhat manageable with two and you go to three, the cycle ends.  You learn that you know nothing about parenting, never did, and never will.
• Very well meaning people also think that they know how to parent better than you.  Most of the time these are people without children.  Though they don't happen often, take their looks, whispers behind your back, and lack of tact with a grain of salt.  It turns out that the previous point applies to them as well.
• You start seeing your dad in the mirror more clearly every day.
• You quickly lose your long term memory.  Life before children becomes a vague recollection.  You also lose your short term memory and can't find your phone or your keys ever.
• You don't have money now, nor will you ever.
• You will get constant lessons in what sin nature actually looks like; your children's and your own.
• You will hear your mother in your head all the time.  Your kids will hear your mother through your mouth.
• You are a bigger hypocrite than you think.  Pray hard about this one.
• Your kids have a 7th sense that can detect when intimacy is on the horizon.  As soon as they detect any sign that physical affection is coming they will interrupt.  This starts as soon as they are born and it is very real.
• You will experience anger far greater than any you've ever felt before.  This applies even to those who've been successfully blamed for a fart in front of an entire classroom of people.
• They will start to read and spell.  Once they can do this there is no more hiding anything.  You can't spell anything to your spouse anymore.
• There is no place sacred anymore.  If you thought pooping or taking a shower was guaranteed alone time, think again.
• Your kids are messy and they always mess up your stuff. Often they break your stuff.  Get over your stuff.  Don't buy anything nice for the next 18-25 years.  Resist the urge!
• They will break your heart a lot.  They will tell you they hate you.  They will manipulate you.  They will sometimes treat you like garbage.  They will make you realize that you treated your parents like garbage too.

There are many more warnings.  I could honestly go all night.  But you probably need some good news right about now.  Here's some awesome things about parenting.  While the list may or may not be longer than the warnings because I'm not in the mood to write all night, know that the weight of the good is far heavier than the bad.

• Your wife will become even more attractive to you than she is even now.  Her pregnancy will reveal a whole different type of beauty that you didn't know existed.
• You will learn teamwork in a whole different way and your wife will become more important to you than she is even now.  It's a type of oneness that is so mysterious and real and good.  Nothing in this life is as rewarding as this reality. Except Jesus.
• The second you meet your child you will be introduced to a different type of love.  It's an automatic and fierce love that only comes from becoming a parent. It's awesome and scary at the same time.  You will at times want to squeeze your baby super duper hard.  Don't do it.  You could kill them.  Just hold back and squeeze them nicely.
• You get bonus happiness when your children behave and people notice and then point it out to you.
• You gain a superpower of understanding with other people's children when they misbehave in public.  If you don't gain this superpower you are just a jerk.
• Your baby will probably fart loudly during church.  If you're lucky it will be during a prayer.  You will laugh a lot and the people around you will laugh as well.  It's funny and everyone thinks so.
• As a bonus, you can blame your farts on your kids.
• They love you back.  No one in your life will probably ever love you like they do.  Even when they treat you poorly and say nasty things, they don't mean it.
• They are quick to forgive you.  They aren't this way with everyone necessarily, but with you, they will hold no grudge.
• Everything is new.  There is always a new milestone or big thing to celebrate.  It's inexplicable the joy that comes from trying their first ice cream, taking their first step, or losing a tooth.  It's a shared joy.
• Holidays are new and you get to create your own traditions.  It's super fun.
• You get to learn with them and be impressed by them.
• You can play whenever you want because they will always want to play with you.
• You get to be someone's superhero.
• Blanket forts make a comeback
• You have a great excuse to sit and watch Disney and Pixar movies.  You even get to sing along with the songs.
• If you are smart you will one day get to experience the joy of owning a min-van.  Most men don't want the mini-van, but once you have owned one you will fall in love with owning mini-vans.  They are the most comfortable and convenient vehicles ever.

 You asked if I had advice.  I hesitate to give advice because of the point I mentioned earlier about realizing that I know nothing about parenting.  Here's the thing.  You will know your child better than anyone and you will need to parent your child differently than I parent mine.  However, there are things that have worked for us that I can share with you.  Take them however you will.

• Surround yourself with gracious and encouraging people.  Seek out people that you want to be like and that you want your kids to be like.  Spend time with people that are older than you who have raised children.  Soak in their wisdom.
• Don't be afraid to sound like mom and dad.  They did a pretty good job I think.
• Take advantage of the moments you can.  Don't try to program everything.  Invest throughout the day each day.  When we started having kids people told us we should schedule a regular date night each week.  There was this pressure to spend the time and money on that.  Don't feel guilty if you can't afford to program that sort of stuff.  If you want to get away and go on a date with your wife, great!  Don't feel guilty.  If you don't want to leave your baby or your kids, great! Don't feel guilty.  There isn't a rule book and no one can tell you how to raise your children.  Except Jesus.
• You can call mom late.  She is 2 hours behind us time wise and stays up late.  Sometimes you just want to complain to her.  She gets it.  Call her.  Just don't complain about your wife.  It's not nice to your wife and mom will probably just side with her anyway.
• We love Christian education.  I encourage people to choose Christian education.  We've talked about all the reasons why.  If you don't choose Christian education, great!  Don't feel guilty.
• Give yourself time to wind down with your kids at the end of the day.  People will start telling you to enjoy every moment and that time goes by fast.  Try your best to heed that advice.  Teach your kids to live right now.  Teach them not to worry about tomorrow or regret the past.  God always is present.  Be present now.
• Pray for them all the time.  Seriously.  I know how bad a parent I am.  I daily beg God to redeem my shortfalls.  I beg him to turn my sinful spawn into righteous men and women.  This is truly mine and their only hope.
• Don't judge other parents and don't give advice until they ask for it.  Otherwise they will probably hate you.

I hope that answers your questions.  I hope you thoroughly enjoy this time right now.  I hope you enjoy every second of it.  Pam and I are both so excited for the two of you.

I'm supposed to ask a question now.  What are some of the things you just can't wait to do with your child?  Also, are you going to find out boy or girl or are you going to be surprised?  IF you find out and have a gender reveal party am I invited?  I am always in favor of the surprise though.  It's fun.

Sincerely,
Joel