An Easy Choice

Dear Joel,

There's a blog I read sometimes called Wait, But Why? I subscribed the first time I read the site's subtitle: "new post every sometimes." It made me laugh.

The guy who writes it covers a wide variety of topics, and he's written a couple of posts on The American Presidents. I think right now he's completed two posts and they cover all of the presidents up through McKinley. I'm telling you this in case you want to get an overview of each American President.

I've read those two posts, and I can tell you with confidence that my favorite president is... Bill DeWitt III, President of the St. Louis Cardinals. It was an easy choice.

Choosing an American president would be a tough endeavor indeed. History is always murkier than we think it is. It's really impossible to evaluate presidents on some kind of absolute and objective criterion. So... sorry for not really answering the question in the way I'm sure you meant it. Even so, I'd love to hear your own answer to it.

I also wanted to let you know that I'll be on vacation and "unplugged" next week, so you should not expect a Thursday post. If you want, you can fill in for me. It'd be funny if you respond to your own post from Monday. Or write a short story from the point of view of a roadrunner who lives in the southwest and is constantly being chased by coyotes.

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If Everyone Jumped Off a Bridge...

Dear Jake,

I'm here.  I'm sorry.  Life is sort of crazy right now.

Did you see Brewers reliever Will Smith get thrown out of a game this last week?  He was using pine tar to illegally weight the ball when he would throw.  It was in the news, not because of what he did, but because of his reaction when it happened.  He didn't freak out at the umpires.  He freaked out at the other team for ratting him out.  In other words, he knew what he was doing, he knew it was wrong, and he thought he should get away with it.  After the incident many major league players tweeted about it.  None of them complained about the action, in fact, the Braves first baseman actually said, "Every pitcher does it. As a hitter you want them to do it so they have a better grip, so we don’t get hit in the head... but just hide it better next time."  That sentiment was the popular one.  "Meh, everyone does it, no big deal, ha ha, he got caught..."

The next day radio talk show hosts each spent about 5 minutes briefly making fun of the pitcher's reaction to it.  No one really talked about the pine tar on the baseball.  Everyone sort of poked fun at Will Smith for freaking out at the other team.  Some actually went as far as to say that the rule was dumb, everyone is doing it, therefore we should change the rules to make the game more entertaining. (don't get me started about that particular argument)

Do you remember Michael Pineda getting thrown out during a game he was pitching as a Yankee last year? He was using Vaseline. It was against the Red Sox.  Since it's a big rivalry, the whole incident felt more like a WWE bit rather than a pitcher breaking the rules.

You probably remember when Sammy Sosa was caught using a corked bat in 2003, but I just reminded you.  When you think about Sammy Sosa you think of his race for the home run title against Mark McGuire.  Your first thought wasn't corked bat.

Do you remember when Christ Sabo of the Cincinnati Reds got caught using a corked bat back in 1996?  Neither does anyone else.

Then there was the 2012 Chargers over in the football world who got caught using stick um on some of the players' equipment.  Of course, that's not really a big deal anyway.  I mean, it may be illegal but it's the same as using sticky gloves right?

Then there was the Seattle Seahawks facing suspensions for using the PED Adderall.  Yeah, Richard Sherman is cool with it.  After all, according to him, half the league is taking it.  After testing positive to taking the drug he got his suspension overturned on a procedural technicality. Interesting fact:  Each of the players caught using it got 4 games suspension. Richard Sherman will likely be in the hall of fame.

Did you hear about the quarterback of the NE Patriots who used a deflated football in at least one game, but probably a whole lot more?  Oh you did?  Good.  Of all of these, this is the one we should be screaming about for sure.  I mean, this is REAL cheating.  This is the worst of it right here.

I definitely think there should be punishment for those who break the rules, but not to admit that those who are more successful and simply win more are held to a higher standard is folly.  I agree that Tom Brady needs to be held accountable.  I think if we believe it should somehow have an effect on his legacy I think it's silly.  I would contend that if Derek Carr or Charlie Whitehurst had been caught doing the same thing there would have been a small fine and we never would have heard about it.  Why? Because their teams haven't been beating up on everyone else's teams for the last 15 years.

Consequences as it would seem, are directly related to public outrage which, as it would seem, is directly related to how many times your team lost to the offending party.  That is the cruel world we live in.

So get this Louis Brittz is coming to play with our band on Saturday, June 20th.  I think you guys should come.  The next day is the Strawberry Festival in Long Grove.  We could make a weekend of it.

Who is your favorite president?  Why is he your favorite?

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Road Trippin'

Dear Joel,

You may know that I drove to California the other day. Well, I suppose I should say I drove there the other days. Mom and I left Ames early Sunday morning and made it to Albuquerque, New Mexico by that night. The next day we made it all the way to a hotel right outside LAX.

It was lots of fun. We took a route I hadn't traveled before, and it allowed us to take in some less familiar landscapes. I got to visit my company's Scottsdale office for a few minutes too. The only thing I wish I'd had a little more time for was to stop by a famous Breaking Bad landmark or two while we were in Albuquerque.

That's all I really had to say.

You didn't post anything on Monday. Are you ok? I saw that you posted a video on facebook of a guy who recorded his farts and then turned one of them into a musical number, so it seems like you're still kickin'.

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Cheatergate

Dear Joel

Before I say anything else, I want to be clear about one thing: I don't care that much about Deflategate. I really don't. I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday and I sat in a chair for 30 minutes while the hygienist scraped and poked my teeth. The TV was tuned to ESPN and Mike & Mike in the Morning was on (but neither Mike nor Mike was there - they both had people filling in for them). For the entire half hour, Deflategate was the only topic of discussion, and it was obnoxious. Even if part of this post reads like I'm getting worked up about this, I'm not. I just don't care. It's baseball season. I'm more interested in that.

Having said that, I also don't like cheaters. We can talk about how much Brady actually cheated, and whether or not it really impacted the game (spoiler alert: nope). We can talk about how other QBs do it, and how difficult the rule is to enforce. All that's find and dandy, but when we're done talking about all those things, there will be something that's still true: Brady cheated. What's also true? He lied about it.

I don't know if a four-game suspension is the "right" amount of punishment for him or not. See paragraph #1 about how much I care. But our brother, Jase, had a very interesting proposal. The NFL should suspend Brady not just for four games, but for four postseason games. The cheating took place during the AFC Championship game. Brady sits out the first four games of the regular season, then comes back in Game 5 and leads his team to the postseason once again. His cheating is forgotten. But if he were allowed to play the full regular season knowing that he would be forbidden to compete in any playoff games or the Super Bowl, that would be a real punishment.

Maybe what he did wasn't that egregious. Maybe other guys do it all the time. It definitely didn't contribute (much) to the sound thumping they put on the opponent in that game.

But none of that matters.

Imagine describing the situation to your kids. Do you really want to say to them, "Cheating shouldn't really be punished as long as you're not cheating too much, or if all the other boys cheat too"?

The NFL ought to make it hurt Brady. I'm not sure four games will do that.

Go ahead. Your turn now.

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Make it Hurt

Dear Jake,

I just now realized that I didn't post yesterday.  We should probably discuss a punishment.  We should take into consideration that I am posting today.  I broke the rules.  What should I be penalized.

We won't be the only one discussing that.  Actually, every sports columnist gets to feast off the thing that has become deflate gate.  Tom Brady used football deflated slightly below the league's allowable psi.  He cheated.  What should he be punished.  I've got thoughts, but I am really ready to hear yours.  Bring it.

Sincerely,
Joel

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Get up, baby!

Yes. I'll read your book.

Lately I've been thinking about becoming a radio broadcaster for baseball games. There was a 35% discount available for MLB.TV's audio package (with which you can listen to every MLB game all year long with no blackouts), so I snagged it for $13 a couple of weeks ago. It's been great being able to follow the Cardinals whether I'm at home or in the car.

One of the two regular Cardinal announcers is former player Mike Shannon. He's adored in St. Louis and generally one of those "living legend" kinds of guys. He's also known for the nonsensical things that regularly come out of his mouth during broadcasts. Like the time he said, "Our next home stand follows this road trip." Or, "He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown." Or, "I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't believed it!" HERE's a website where you can read some more Shannonisms, if you're so inclined.

The trouble is, I often have no idea what's actually happening on the field. I don't have a lot of history listening to Shannon, so I don't know if his style has changed as he gets older. All I know is that he mumbles a lot, and he often relays information only in snippets at a time, so it's tough to get a feel for the whole play (I might know that Molina made contact, but I might not know for a few seconds whether it's fair or foul, on the ground or in the air, or likely to be a hit or an out). Sometimes he's very expressive, but a lot of times he's not. So I can't even guess whether it's a good thing or a bad thing happening based on the tone of his voice. He'll also regularly get really excited over something that's not very exciting. Like he has trouble telling how hard the ball is hit off the bat "Swing and a blast! Oh boy! It's going back back back... and the right fielder is there and makes the catch a few feet short of the warning track." His signature saying is, "Get up, baby! Get up, baby!" Which he hollers at the ball when a home run (or one that's gonna be close) is hit.

Shannon usually alternates innings with his co-worker, John Rooney. Rooney is much more "traditional," in the sense that he has a radio voice and is very polished and professional in his description of on-field events. During the Rooney innings, I can see the action. During the Shannon innings, I have to pay extra-close attention, and hope that by the time the inning is over, I have some idea about who may have scored, and whether there were any base runners.

All that to say, as I listen to these two guys broadcast Cardinal games, I've been thinking a lot about how I think I could do that. Do you think if I did vocal exercises to hone my "radio voice" I could become an announcer? I think I know baseball well enough. And it'd be one of the most fun jobs I can imagine. You get to travel with the team, go to every game, and your job is to simply describe what's going on.

If I ever become a radio announcer for an MLB team, I'll buy you a subscription to the audio package so you can listen to me. Deal?

Also, I've always wanted to work for The Bathroom Reader's Institute (publisher of the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series).

How is your life schedule changing now that the weather is getting warmer?

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I Need a Pen Name

Dear Jake,

I have always wanted to write a book.  I want to write a novel.  I imagine it would be a children's book along the lines of "The Door in the Dragon's Throat" or even "The Chronicles of Narnia".  It's been a dream of mine for a long time.  I think it is the dream of a lot of people to write a book.

I love "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" which is book 5 of "The Chronicles of Narnia".  I love all of the chronicles, but Dawn Treader is my favorite.  A minimal synopsis of the book is as follows.  While on a quest to find the 7 lost lords of Narnia King Caspian meets up with the Pevensie Children and their bratty cousin who join him on his quest.  They search many different islands until they come to the edge of the East and see into Aslan's Country.  They face many many adventures on their trip and so many lessons are learned.

The reason I like the books is because they are filled with imagination and wonder.  The reason I love the books is because each of them contain deep truths about the relationship between The Creator and his Creation.  Ultimately the books point us as the reader toward Jesus and our eternal home.  They are wonderful.

That's what I want to write. I think the thing that stops me is that I don't believe I have it in me to write like THAT.

But I want to do it and I think I'm going to.  I think a goal I'll set for myself next year to write a book.

Will you read my book, should I write one?  Would you be the second to read it?  My wife would be the first.

What is something that you have always wanted to do but haven't done it even though you have no good reason not to?

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