The Jake Rohde Haiku Collection

Dear Joel,

I am no poet, and I am no comedian. I hope that these do not represent the "funniest" poems of which I'm capable. However, I actually had a blast writing these, so thanks for the assignment.

A funny haiku

for your amusement and joy

Insert punchline here.

You'll quickly realize that some of these are very personal reflections, and that they clearly illustrate how I see the world.

He was without doubt

The dumbest human ever

JUST USE YOUR BLINKER!

Given the hype, I'm not sure the next one is even accurate this year, but it's still funny in my mind.

A new season starts

Everyone has cause for hope

Except for the Cubs

The next one represents a sincere letter from me to you.

Our disagreements

Should not cause strife between us

The dress was blue, black

I looked at the forecast for next week and got excited.

Spring is coming soon

Warm weather makes me happy

But not too warm, please

My brief comments here are largely inserted so that no one thinks that one poem followed by another poem is actually a single poem.

"Go home!" the man yelled

But the runner was thrown out

Bad choice; Series lost

You like bad jokes, right? Here you go.

Each morning at nine

I greet my poetic friend

By saying, "Hi, Ku."

Next we'll re-visit a popular topic from my daily life.

In my opinion

I'm a wonderful driver

Why do others suck?

I hesitated to post this one after writing it. Weird and random, even in my own mind.

The difference between

Three legs and four on a stool

Is only one leg

Here's a haiku inspired by one of my favorite scenes in the Dudley Moore movie, Arthur.

I cannot tell you

Her last name, for that would be

Indiscreet. Johnson.

And finally...

Unbreakable rules

Govern poetry writing

Unless you have more than seven syllables' worth of things to say

So there you have it. Probably 98% of the haikus I've written in my life (I may have had to write 1 or 2 in a high school composition class. I'd love to hear your opinion - do you like any of them? Do you have a favorite?

But my real question is who's your favorite poet? Do you have a favorite poem? What do you like and dislike about poetry?

Publishers - please post a comment below and I will get back to you personally. I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to offer me a contract for a book of poetry.